| i've never been so alone and i've never been so alive |
[26 Jan 2007|09:59pm] |
Lately i've been so moody.
I feel like such a bitch. and i'm honestly sorry. i don't mean to be.
i can't sleep. i wake up and do laundry to preoccupy myself.
i don't want valentines day to happen.
it'll just remind me of how big of a boy repeller i am.
seriously. don't even try to convince me.
it never works.
i'm changing my mind about a lot of things.
i wish i could just stick with one decision.
i wish i could figure out how i am.
i think i have feelings. but i don't know what they are.
and i can't talk about them.
because i just can't and i wish that people would understand that.
i wish it was the way it used to be.
today was so cold. i couldnt feel my nose. or fingers.
nothing good really happened because my mom decided not to let samantha come over so we could go to the movies because "its too cold" WTF she is the lamest person ever. its not too cold in the movie theater. my mom never stops yelling at me for stuff i dont even do. its so annoying. she does not stop. ever.
tomorrow i'm going to do nothing.
i feel like i'm wasting my life.
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[19 Jan 2007|08:25pm] |
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today was the last day of finals :D
i probably failed them all because i didn't study. haha oops.
in gym one of those dumb guys came up to me and was like "i heard a rumor that your name doesn't really have three l's in it" hahahaha.
So after my last exam i found erin, kelsey, sam, erika and brian. kelsey had to go to the science fair so me and the rest of the fab five [hahaha shut up. we're cool] walked to franks. yeah it was pretty fun. erin pushed me in a puddle though D:<
after, i took kelseys and erins bus to their house because we were going to see astrea and i am the avalanche, so i was calling my mom to remind her i wouldn't be home and she FLIPPED OUT at me. she was like "You never told me about this! AHKJGdsoiakmlyg! You cant go!j sjgdsai! you lied to me!" and i was like "what the hell" because i told her about this two weeks ago but she NEVER LISTENS TO ME and also is probably bipolar. so she's a bitch and came and picked me up and ruined my having fun. Way to go mom. she never lets me do ANYTHING. i hate it. i never get to have any fun because i have an overprotective mother.
anyway, new fob leaked. i'm not impressed tbh. i only really like one song. So, while i was listening to new fob kelsey called me from astrea and i got to listen to static for 15 minutes, but then Brendon talked to me after. he's sweet. it was ok after all i spose. i've calmed down quite a bit.
just because a person smiles and laughs doesn't mean they're a happy person.
( pictures )
yeah i'm wicked hungry
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[31 Dec 2006|10:24pm] |
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none of the cool kids have plans on new years eve.
but some of their neighbors set off fucking FIREWORKS.
they're not illegal in new hampshire apparently.
i really need to get a new icon but i dont feel like making a new one.
also i think i'm going to buy a rename token. idk no one would notice anyway.
only i dont have a credit card. or any money. i spose i'll just wait a bit longer.
i finally jumped on the bandwagon and got last.fm except i don't really know how to use it. oh well.
for some reason i feel really creative. i feel like writing or something. i dont know. i had a really shitty weekend. i slept all day and my dad pretty much ignored me and i only got a 4 minute guitar lesson today because his girlfriend is more important apparently. and he isnt a very good teacher. i think i'm just going to go to barnes and nobles and buy one of those kit things or whatever. teach yourself.
i have some new year resolutions but i dont know what they all are yet. cause i have a lot.
i hope 2007 is better than 2006 was.
( from thursday night )
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[25 Dec 2006|09:34pm] |
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music |
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scary kids scaring kids |
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today is christmas, so i'm updating because christmas is amazing. unless you're jewish.
So, today like every holiday was hectic and rushed because my parents decided to be divorced.
Well my mom decided to be an asshole and wake me up at 8AM this morning just because she knows that i love to be woken up that early. it sucked like guys in prison do. so then i did some really boring stuff and went to my grandparents house. They gave me a gift card. Then i went through my yia yia's [sup being greek?] jewelry box and took her fake pearls and started dancing to the nutcracker music on the radio with their cat because i'm a moron.
After that we went to my uncle matt and aunt lisa's house. They have really interesting stuff in their house. like weird stuff, but its cool. They have a new dog that's really cute. i wanted to put it in my purse and take it home, but it wouldnt fit. We had a bunch of food there. I ate about 6 of those pillsbury croissants because they are delicious and then about 8 of my mothers little desserty things. and some cake. I got more gift cards and some lotion which is pretty wtf, but it smells good so. yeah.
At 3 my mom took me to my dads moms house and dropped me off there. my dad gave me another gift card, and my gramma gave me the same thing she's given me every year for the past 5 years, a hat with scarf and gloves, the same exact white ones, every single year. Then my uncle rick gave me some money [cash money] and uhh i got some other present from my other uncle for my birthday which was 11 days ago. and it was a paperweight. uh yeah. then my dad was like "here we got you an ironing board!" and i was like "what that fuck" but it wasn't an ironing board it was a guitar! and my dad's going to teach me how to play, and this time i'm actually going to practice unlike that time in 5th grade when i was too stupid to remember any of the chords.
then allira and alanna got there and we were being morons. alanna kept trying to scream lmao she's such a hardcore little 9 year old. and we made fun of uncle steves gay yellow sweater and ate all their food and rummaged through stuff. and were being annoying. ok.
( i got some christmas pictures, oh yeaaaah )
what did you get for christmas?
how was your day?
ps 
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| the one you love and the one that loves you are never, ever the same person |
[18 Dec 2006|07:04pm] |
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i'm such a moron. every single desicion i make i end up regretting. it's so stupid. i'm stupid. i should go to smart class and get smart. i'm shy around people i know but around strangers i'm really outgoing. it's so weird and it annoys me a lot. i just wish i could talk to someone who knows me. i'm taking my anger out on the wrong person and i don't know how to apologize. i don't know how to talk to someone who i havent talked to in 5 days. its just really awkward. i have trouble starting conversation. and i'm not even mad as much as disappointed. it takes a lot to get me mad. actually now that i mention it i'm disappointed in a lot of things and people.
i can't remember what i was going to say. time goes by faster and faster. i remember when i was a little kid it seemed like it took forever for it to be christmas but now i'm not even excited for it or anything and its already here. i wish time would slow down. not right now though because i want to get this week over with.
last night my mom flipped a shit at me. i was really really overwhelmed and i just asked her if she could leave me alone and she decided to call me a bitch, send me to my room, ask me what i was doing [even though SHE sent me there], then call me a shit head and told me to go to hell. it was a bit upsetting. so i played my gameboy and did some laundry.
my grades are all dropping. except for french lmao i dont think she knows how to enter grades right because i have 113% and i've only gotten one A so far. but english sucks because she HATES me and i just dont get science and math. at all. for some reason i always get the fun science teacher who doesnt teach us right and the math teacher who asks if i need help and then when i say yes, laughs in my face and walks away. i'm really good at lunch though.
this is really random, yeah. my mind works funny.
if i was an optimist i would say my life rocks! but really it doesnt. at all. i try really hard.
someday, someday.
and i really need to stop needing to go so many shows :/
k im done.
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| the new gwen stefani is really catchy tbh :/ |
[16 Dec 2006|03:42pm] |
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the other day was my birthday. it was ok i spose.
all i do is break the promises i make to myself and procrastinate until i get so frustrated that i do a really bad job on everything. and i'm always so tired. and hungry. and i can stop worrying. its really annoying.
oh man i've been having the weirdest dreams lately. i love it.
i'm really upset at stupid people who run ticket master. they seriously need to get kicked in the face.
i dunno why i'm really random lately. well always. i think i might be bipolar. yes.
oh and last night i punched erin in the jaw in my sleep lmao. its probably because we were listening to dane cook before and she was like "BUT OH MY GOD, I LOVE SOUR APPLE!"
( yeah i got a hello kitty toaster )
tell me one random fact about you
mine is: i dont like whole milk unless i'm at a restaurant. yeah i know. its really really weird but like. just ew.
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[01 Dec 2006|09:31pm] |
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i dont even want to talk about life right now. i dont want to think about it. all i want to think about is thursday night when i'm going to see the hush sound and this providence. other than that all i can think about is when is summer coming, cause it's not coming soon enough.
i want to go to target and get the hello kitty toaster and the sewing machine since last summer i broke ours. haha i lose at life.
today shannon dropped her water bottle and i thought someone was throwing something at me.
there's only one month left of 2006. i'm so scared. i dont know where my time went. i want it back. some days i want to cry because i'm so overwhelmed by life in general. i dont even know ok.
i really don't like school. some sick pedophilish perverted freak stole my gym clothes. have fun jacking off you pervert. those are my horse camp shoes! they have shit in them. i hope you enjoy whatever sick rituals you do with my fucking sweaty gym clothes. creep.
i really don't like school. it's too hard. or i just don't care enough anymore.
i only go so i can see my friends. and for the spicey chicken cause thats my favorite. ever. and of course to see the german kid haha WHAT.
what the fuck ever i just dont want it anymore. i want the weekend forever. no. i dont even want that i just want to be happy. i just want to be happy.
i love how my life is so much funner than my feelings.
yeah i make up words.
( well i like pictures, i like taking pictures )
question: what's your favorite band?
[i have so many people on my flist who never comment. so, ice breaker maybe idk]
ps; you don't have to read this, it's really irrelevant to your life.
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[24 Nov 2006|10:22pm] |
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music |
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the vincent black shadow |
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i'm so hypocritical sometimes.
for some reason i don't care anymore.
i set goals for myself then forget about them.
i hate myself sometimes i really do.
i'm a bigger procrastinator than i ever was.
for the new year i want to change. maybe i wont give up this time.
i annoy myself a lot and am an expert at making a fool out of myself.
i embarass myself more than i should.
you should go buy "the devil and god are raging inside me" by brand new.
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[18 Nov 2006|11:37am] |
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i can't make up my mind about ANYTHING.
its so annoying. i can't even decide what shirt to wear anymore.
i wish i could make up my mind.
last night samanthy and me went to the mall. i didnt get anything though. I finally got to use one of those massage chairs haha.
we also went to target.
then we came home and made bracelets because thats just how hardcore we are. obviously.
later today im going to see Jack's.
so excited i wet my pants. no joke.
( would you lie with me and just forget the world? )
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[14 Nov 2006|06:32pm] |
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music |
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BRAND NEW BRAND NEW. |
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i think its funny how i always want something for the longest time and once i finally get it i dont want it any more. except i dont really think its funny, really i hate how indesicive and annoying i am. really.
i can only make up my mind that i can't make up my mind.
i'm going on a diet. later.
( do me a favour baby dont reply )
mollly.
ps; I'M GOING TO EUROPE NEXT SUMMER. OR THIS SUMMER. 2007 WHATEVER.
the only thing i'm worried about is missing concerts. haha i'm lame.
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| ugh at life. |
[14 Oct 2006|10:22pm] |
last night me sam and kelsey went to the house of fear. grant and erik and mike were there so we went through with them. i didnt think it was scary but kelsey and sam were making my ears bleed with their shrieking.
after that we were just waiting behind/on the side of the building and we were attempting to scare people, but we didnt. bailey gave us a bunch of free candy though since she was working there :D
lmao grant is the dumbest kid ever oh my god. "what's 'the'?"
then we went to my house and watched sailor moon. shut up.
and my camera hasnt worked right since i dropped it on the pavement :(
i think i need a new one. it won't take pictures in the dark anymore. even with th flash on.
its a emmer effer.
( pictures are cool )
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[01 Oct 2006|09:38pm] |
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music |
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circa survive |
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yesterday i went to the deerfield fair with samanthy.
we had fun and i saw a ton of kids i used to know.
then we went to target and i got some fake eyelashes that suck balls. never buy nyc brand.
then i went to erins house.
shes crazy.
we walked to kelsey's but she wasnt there so we were going to go to the carnival. and by carnival i mean cemetary to do a seance. but then erin was like "D: NOES" so we started walking back and some people drove past us [keep in mind it was pitch black out] and screeched at us then honked. it was creepy but i was in tears with my laughter.
then we went and screwed with people on aim and then we watched carrie 2.
i came home and had some sushi and thai noodles then my mom took me to some dumb informational meeting because she wants me to go to europe this summer.
for some people to people student ambassador thing.
i would suffer serious music/concert/internet/friend withdrawls.
so i'm saving up for a sidekick.
haha i lose.
and i'm so sick of liking boys who will never ever like me.
( i've been waiting all this time to be something i can't define )
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| big update |
[29 Aug 2006|12:51pm] |
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school tomorrow. please shoot me.
summer has been boring. it seems like the older i get the faster it goes by.
im scared and im sad and i want to cry. slow down.
summer 2006
i spent being a lazy ass, obviously.
i procrastinated my project.
me kelsey and lilly visted hana before she moved.
i killed a bird that day. =(
spent the rest of that time in front of the computer
making icons, stealing music, photoshop.
all that good stuff.
saw pirates with sam, kelsey and someone else i think.
blablabla.
winged spur.
rode scruffy.
fun.
got molested by lacy.
good times.
saw pirates again with sam erin and lilly.
dad.
maine.
blablabla.
missed out on old orchard beach.
went to beach with mother.
ew.
heard from tibby for first time in year.
lol'd at how deep his voice had gotten.
read jane eyre a lot.
died of boredom.
repeat.
winged spur again.
rode draco.
draco is my favorite.
erin and kelsey came over one day.
we watched some movies and shit.
cool.
then i finished jane eyre.
awesome.
then i sat my ass down in front of the computer.
winged spur one last week.
spent with nick. even though he's a jerk.
he's the funniest person ever.
pranked a few people.
got about 10 wedgies per day.
gave good rhinos.
traded hoodies.
then i smelled like a guy.
but it was good.
school shopping.
fuck yes delia's is my new favorite store.
they played paramoooore. dfkjadi!!!
went to erins with kelsey sam and lilly.
went bowling. hell yeah i won a hello kitty out of the machine!
then we went back to erins and did some stuff, watched anchorman.
went to bed around 2. woke up at 9 because some asshat called erin looking for a danielle or something.
it sucked balls.
then we watched matilda. great movie.
then kelsey and lilly left and me erin and sam biked to burger king.
we wanted to go in the play area but there were little shreiking kids giving me a headache.
so we biked back. and then i went home.
fun shit.
and today is the last day of summer and how am i spending it? at home. in front of the computer.
next summer im getting a job and only going to winged spur like once.
me and steph are going to canobie lake park supposedly sometime soon and nick was supposed to take us all to space center to play laser tag and im suposed to go see soap with him.
when i say lets keep in touch, i hope you know i mean i wish that you'd grow up
( pictures )
ps; if anyone can tell me how to get pictures from my phone onto my computer i would love you forever
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